The Human Library
Living With Panic Disorder
Lives with panic disorder.
What happened
My first panic attack felt exactly like dying — chest tight, couldn't breathe, certain something was catastrophically wrong with my heart. It happened in a parking lot, alone, and by the time it passed I was convinced I'd nearly died from something no test could find afterward.
What I wish people understood
That it isn't "just anxiety" in the small, dismissible sense that phrase gets used. In the moment, my body is genuinely convinced it's an emergency. Being told to "just calm down" is a bit like being told to just stop bleeding.
What helped
Learning what was actually happening in my body, physiologically, which somehow made it less terrifying even while it was happening. A specific breathing technique I practiced when I wasn't panicking, so it was already available when I was. Medication, eventually, after resisting it for longer than I needed to.
What didn't help
Avoiding every place a panic attack had ever happened, which just kept shrinking my life. People telling me it was "all in my head," as if that made it less real or less exhausting to live with.
What I know now
That I can have a panic attack and survive it — I have, dozens of times now — and that knowledge itself has made them less frequent and less frightening, even though it didn't happen overnight.
One thing I want someone else to hear
You're not broken, and you're not overreacting. Your body is misfiring an alarm that was built to keep you safe. It's exhausting, and it's not who you are.