The Human Library
Living Through Infertility
Went through years of infertility.
What happened
Trying to have a child took over years of my life in ways I never expected — the appointments, the waiting, a grief that showed up every single month, privately, while everyone else's lives kept moving forward around me.
What I wish people understood
That it's a real loss, even without a name or a funeral for anyone to attend. I was grieving something that hadn't happened yet, over and over, and there was no ritual for that kind of sadness — no time off work for it, nowhere it was allowed to be the main thing happening in a room.
What helped
Finding one other person who'd been through it and didn't try to fix it — just understood without explanation. Letting myself actually be sad in the moments it hit, instead of performing being fine at every baby shower and pregnancy announcement.
What didn't help
"Just relax and it'll happen." "Everything happens for a reason." Being asked constantly when we were "finally" going to have kids, by people who had no idea what that question cost me every time.
What I know now
That however this story ends, the grief along the way was real and worth acknowledging, not just a waiting room on the way to a happy ending. I stopped needing the ending resolved before I let the middle count.
One thing I want someone else to hear
If you're in it right now — the grief you're carrying every month is real, even if no one around you can see it. You don't have to minimize it to make it easier for other people to witness.